Category Archives: Stuff people put on the Internet

Men who are sexier than Christian Grey

There are plenty of them, and one just might be a pudgy kid from South Carolina with a silky voice and an ear for arrangements.

I know what you’re doing. You’re looking at the still picture in the video window and thinking, No way. I like some washboard abs, thank you. And maybe a little chest hair as long as his back his smooth. I get it. Abs are wonderful.

If you read romance, you know that washboard abs are extraordinarily easy to come by in the world of fiction. As is height and masculine jaw line. What’s not so easy to find is a character you might actually care about if he appeared, flesh and blood, in your real life. Does any woman really want to go to bed with a guy who has a compulsive need to “punish” her to work out his mommy issues? Ew. Didn’t think so. The answer to the “do you want to date an actual dead guy” question should be obvious, but if it isn’t, maybe leave this blog and go do some soul-searching journal entries.

Let’s do a run-down on Noah’s romantic hero potential.

Cons:

  • He appears all over the Internet as only “Noah”. One guy can do that, and his name is Bono. If your name isn’t Bono, get a last name.
  • His slight resemblance to a marshmallow makes me hungry.
  • He wears glasses without irony, although with irony would be worse.
  • He is only 18.
  • He does not appear to be a cop, firefighter, MMA champion, special ops soldier, vampire, werewolf, or insanely muscular brain surgeon.

Now, pros:

  • Competence. That voice! The way he transformed a junker of a song into a melody that I can NOT stop singing! He sails past competence and into sparkling talent. You could disagree, but I would lose all respect for you.
  • Confidence. It takes some guts to perform, even on YouTube, but Noah is damn good and he knows it.
  • Passion. This is almost a given with musical talent, but it can shine through in anything. Drive always draws us in, makes us want to be closer to the magic. Passion for another person doesn’t count; that’s creepy. I’m talking about passion for the things you would still work at even if no one else knew or cared.
  • Humor. Did you laugh? I laughed. ‘Nuff said.

Romance is fantasy. It’s easy to rewrite Noah with bulging biceps and a haunted past as a CIA operative. It’s not so easy to rewrite any character who isn’t already extraordinary in some deeper way. But those are the heroes that stick with us: the ones who are competent, confident, passionate, and funny. The ones who dominate because it’s who they are, not because it’s what they need.

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